MIL & FIL

I recently heard those abbreviations for the first time. I know, that probably illustrates how out of touch I am. Nevertheless, I am enjoying using my new words:) lol

Seriously, I dedicate this post to my amazing mother and father in law. They both have blessed me beyond measure in the 14 years I have known them. 

Most importantly, I can't stop smiling and crying tears of joy as I remember their faces when they met our baby. Even though he is still not guaranteed to be in our family forever, they have already given him a very special and inportant place in their hearts. 

They are not the only ones. I would be remiss if I didn't also mention that the baby's other grandma (my mom;) aunts, uncles and cousins also have shown love that touches our hearts immensely! 

They say that a newborn baby does not yet realize a separation between himself and his mother. That bond goes both ways. As a mother, when anyone loves my child, I feel loved. 

Thanks to an amazing family, I feel very loved. 

Have you ever...

Found yourself in a place of so much thankfulness that it almost doesn't seem fair?

I just spent over 30 hours in the backseat of my car with the physical evidence of my hopes and answered prayers. I can't describe my feelings any other way than pure joy. 

This Christmas my heart is absolutely overflowing. Being a mommy has truly been the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. 

Watching Jonathan be a dad comes in at a close second. His eyes light up and he is patient. Those of you who know him will understand what a miracle this is: He is happy first thing in the morning! This non morning person, has begun to experience the joy of first thing in the morning smiles from the cutest baby in the world. Each day Jonathan is in charge of morning feeding, diapering and  dressing while I get my morning run in. My heart bursts with love for them both as I watch them bond.

It's been awhile

since I blogged. It's tricky knowing what's acceptable to share publicly. These days we are enjoying every single moment and measuring time by our precious three month old miracle. 

A friend told me that last Christmas Eve she prayed for Jonathan and my happiness. Wow, talk about the power of prayer. We have truly never felt happier in our entire lives!! 

This Christmas I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

Hakuna Matata

http://video.disney.com/watch/hakuna-matata-4be3871b01618a0e1266b068

Last week we got a phone call from Dad telling us, "Don't worry... Just be happy." It sounds so simple, but when it's about your child... It's very difficult. The 'be happy' part is easy. We are so happy!! 

But, I have discovered that when I worry, it often steals my happiness. I need a little help learning how to put this principal into action... More help than Timon and Pumba can give... So, I have been listening to Lloyd:) Here are the two podcasts that have been rocking my thinking this week:

1. Love is Greater than Fear https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/new-day-kc/id470935501?mt=2&i=319852047

2. Peace is Greater than Fear https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/new-day-kc/id470935501?mt=2&i=320032443

A gift

Every child is a gift. Being a parent is a gift. Happy one month birthday to our little miracle today!! Jonathan and I are feeling so blessed with our good and perfect gift!! It is hard not knowing what will happen next month... But then, who does? 

What parent doesn't feel nervous at times about the unknown future? We have a few more variables than most, but then we also have a greater prayer covering than most. Thank you so much to all of you who are keeping us in your prayers! This is by far the most difficult and the most wonderful time of our lives. 

Blessed be the Name of The Lord

He gives, He takes away... Yet His name is to be praised! His promise is that all things work together for good to those who trust him and are called according to His purpose... I declare that over my baby. Blessing, and purpose and destiny. I claim that for myself and I trust God with my heart. 

For this child I have prayed, and The Lord heard my petition. Therefore I have given him to The Lord. As long as he lives he is given to The Lord. 

Faith spelled R.i.s.k.

We are so in love with this baby. We can't help it. He stole our hearts from the moment he showed up at our door.

It is a big risk for us to love a foster baby this deeply. 

'God loves me, therefore I can trust Him'

I am choosing to let my heart love without reservation, because I have a Father who loves me unconditionally.

My heart is full to bursting... I don't think anyone in the world has ever felt so blessed!! 

*Its killing me not to share photos of the baby... So, I think I'll start including random ones of us in each post! Ha

Blessing

Here is a blessing I received this morning from a very special family member. I am feeling blessed beyond words today! 

When Mary committed to what Gabriel was asking of her, she didn't know what price she would have to pay.... but she was willing... and so it will be with you. He WILL give you the desires of your heart. It's who he created you to be. Your life has and will speak to many. He will stretch out your borders of influence 

Many will call you blessed

The purity in your heart will be a shining example for others as you do life with Him, moment by moment, cause that's how much and how often we need Him.

Thank you Father! 

Our miracle

I am not allowed to share any details because there are no guarantees... But, I am holding a tiny miracle in my arms. Thank you Father. 

You are good!!!!!! 

Disappointment

Today I saw her pictures.

She is beautiful. 

Her smile lights up the room.

I knew there was a reason I stopped by the office. I finally started to hope. 

Then I got the message... She is not going to be mine. 

If I hadn't stopped by the office today who knows how much longer I would have waited for that answer. 

I can't remember ever feeling so sad. 

Having a pity party is not my thing.

I think this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. 

Angela, how do you do it?? I don't think I am nearly as strong as you.
http://www.blessedlifewithchildren.com/blog#/

Anybody thinking of adopting? 

No one can prepare you for the disappointment. 

Over 

and 

Over 

and 

Over

Love's not easy, but it's good."

http://youtu.be/8CdAI8JV3y4

He's good

He's not safe at all

He might let you fall

He's not easy

But He's good

I know He's good

He will take your time 

He will break you 

But I know He's good

http://youtu.be/8CdAI8JV3y4

God is my strength and my comfort. He is here to pick me back up when I fall and comfort me when I'm disappointed. 

Hope

I have been daring to hope... That is terrifying to me because there is a strong possibility that I will be disappointed. 

Here are some thoughts shared by the preacher at Chapelwood United Methodist last week. 

Pretty mind-blowing to me. 

Hope is a decision; rooted in the expectation that God's divine mercy will move again. 

Hope is not just a desire.

Hope is a decision with expectation. 

"Oh God our help in ages past... Our hope for years to come." We choose to hope because we remember His mercy in the past.

Hope is not rooted in an emotion. It's a decision. 

Hope is the divine promise protesting against suffering. 

When we decide to hope, we are warring against darkness and despair. 

Romans 5. Endurance leads to patience, patience leads to character and character leads to hope. 

Thank you Father God for your faithfulness to me in the past. Today I choose to hope. Hope that I will hold my child very soon. I hope because You are a promise keeper. 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/chapelwood-united-methodist/id308310435?mt=2&i=318381191

1Samuel 1:27

A friend told me to enjoy the time I have now. I know, when we have a baby there will be no more time for.... Well pretty much anything. 

The thing is... My MOST enjoyable times right now are spent with babies. I know, it will be different when I'm the parent-responsible for everything, not simply the auntie coming to play for a few hours or days. But, won't it also be the most amazing thing in the world to hold that baby and know he/she is mine?? That's what every parent tells me... I'm waiting to experience that. I think it will make everything else worth while. 

In the meantime, I will keep enjoying my life. I know, it's nice not to have to arrange childcare before I can take a trip, or go for a run, or to the movies, or even go to work.... I enjoy my life. I promise. 

But...."for this child I have prayed..." 

Life's not Fair

Thank God. 

I think I might have even convinced my six year old nephew. He's glad boys don't  have to carry babies in their bellies...

This process sucks. It sucks that we keep hearing no and waiting and hearing no again. After the hundreds of negative pregnancy tests, I had hoped the adoption process would be a bit more rewarding...

We got another call today... We are heartbroken and afraid to hope again. We didn't get selected, but there's another baby... Maybe we'll be selected for this one?? 

Or not. 

Yet, I can't help but feel grateful for the fact that I'm not alone. I am blessed with an amazing man to share this journey with... We sat at Cheddars and I cried. 

Together. 

My thoughts and prayers go out to a friend who was given two weeks to live. She has no one... 

Was a Foster kid, and her sister died earlier this year from a car accident. My heart is broken that she would be dealt such an unfair hand. 

Life really isn't fair!!! 

That sucks. It's terrible.

Life's not fair. Thank God. 

Bla nesting Bla

People keep telling me it's ok, I'm supposed to be nesting... Getting ready for a baby is natural... Pregnant moms can blame hormones, but I am 'expecting' too... Just no hormones to blame. I actually think that word 'nesting' is pretty annoying. Not sure why... It just is. Still I'm having fun reorganizing and redecorating my house. It's not done so I won't post pics yet- except of the baby's room. Thanks to some very talented, generous, artistic and hardworking family and friends (you know who you are... Shoutout!), that room is done.

I have walked into that room multiple times in the past couple weeks as it's been in progress. Each time I get closer to actually being able to believe that we will have a baby soon. Yes Lyndi, I want to see the baby too. More than anything else. 

 

Waiting

I am a runner... For a long time, when I read this verse I saw the part about running without getting 'weary'. This weekend I saw something else. "They shall mount up with wings like eagles!" Why run, when you can fly?! Seriously. Ok, how do we do that?? It says, 'they that 'wait' upon The Lord.... I'm terrible at waiting. I like action, and I like instant gratification. This is a kind of waiting I'm learning to do though. It's not passive. It's expecting, looking for and hoping IN GOD (not the specific circumstances)! 

I'm learning to hope and I'm learning to wait. Maybe soon I can fly. 

The Fosters

That's us! And, a new TV show we are completely hooked on... The show is about a family that adopts and fosters kids. They are all misfits, but find a place to belong. The theme song brings tears to our eyes almost every time we hear it! http://youtu.be/GfCUQtTttoQ

Another no

Last month we got another call about a baby. We said yes, but God said no. I answered the phone this morning with hope in my heart, but disappointment seeped in when I heard the words, "you were not chosen to be the the family for this child." 

The hardest part of all is the waiting. preparing our hearts and lives and home and then hoping... Getting to see photos, reading a file, talking about this baby by name.... Hoping.... Not knowing. That's the hardest. We knew when we said yes that it might not be our baby. We accept that now. But, the waiting sucked. 

broadcast

We received an email tonight about a 3 year old and 4 month old sibling group that needs a home... 
My heart is so torn. 
We are not prepared to be the parents of two, so we are saying no. 
I don't know how to say no. 
This is hard. 

Homes With Hope

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=751144320431&id=101572919896

Where it Started

Last year on Father's day I gave Jonathan a card. It said that I appreciated him and was grateful that he would be a good dad to our children someday. We talked that day about our sadness and our hopes... "God has a plan," we said.

The next day I got a phone call... A friend asked me, "would you be interested in adopting a baby girl?" As she continued telling me the details I sobbed quietly in my car... I couldn't believe how perfect this was...

Jonathan was not as excited as I was. His heart had not yet been prepared for the idea of adoption and he was still grieving the loss of our dream of having biological children. After two weeks of praying and talking, he agreed that we could move forward... And then the mother decided to keep her baby. I was heartbroken. He was relieved. We agreed that the purpose in all that, had been to prepare our hearts to start our adoption journey. So we did. 

A year later, we are finally certified, 'foster to adopt,' with a wonderful organization called Homes with Hope. We are hopeful, and not so patiently, waiting to get a call.